drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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