Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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