New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
