Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ketchup is God's man juice
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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