I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The air taste purple.
Randomize
