I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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