She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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