i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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