I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
