I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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