My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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