I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
