Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
