if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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