just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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