just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
