you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
