I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
