We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
