The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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