i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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