If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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