Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
