Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
