i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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