yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
