All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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