He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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