I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
