I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
