I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
