You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
