Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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