Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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