I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
