people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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