I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
