dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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