i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
