What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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