I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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