i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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