I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
True but thats because hes a fetus.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
