I just made out with a guy for $7.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
