I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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