Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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