i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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