I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
