the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
