I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Who died my cat blue again?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
