how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
