This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
