be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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