in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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