I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
