she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
