I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
