I can tuck mytits in my pants
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
