Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
