I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
