As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
