remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
