I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
