I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
