you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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