.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just high enough for therapy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
