I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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