Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
