Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
