it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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