Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
