well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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