Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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