it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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