This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
