I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
