I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
