Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
