now i know why i became what i already was.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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