just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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