Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
